My Worst Nightmare

The doctor told me that I would not be able to get pregnant again. Well, I could get pregnant, but it is what may have contributed to the breast cancer to begin with. She was doing her job by warning me of the risks, but my dreams were crushed. I would not be able to have another child.

I had always dreamt of having a big family.  I had a little girl, yes, but… I could not have more kids. My life was in jeopardy AND my dreams of having more children were crushed.

Earlier I mentioned, a step I took to get through this inconceivably challenging time. It is one of the steps I took to deal with the devastating news of the breast cancer diagnosis, the doctor’s telling me while I was pregnant that they thought my unborn child may have spina bifida, and after my healthy child was born I should not have any more kids.

I know it sounds like a made up notion, but the first move I made was the 1st step to wellness. It was not all rose colored glasses, trust me. In fact, I could only do one thing during this time.

The only thing I could do was…get through each moment. I just prayed to get through this moment. I could not even think an hour ahead, let alone a week or a month.

Getting through each moment can be difficult.  “Getting through each moment” felt particularly hard when I was told the devastating news about someone I love.

I’ll tell you more next time.

With the warmest admiration for you and all that is within you,


P.S. I write in my book about the very physically painful journey I was on and the unexpected incident that happened while I was undergoing surgery. It was the kind of physical pain that prior to it, I could not imagine feeling, but this journey provided me not only with hope but with confirmation that when we start making changes to our life that are more positive and supportive than those we made before, we do have an incredible ability to heal.